I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
