You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
