i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This is my gift to your gina
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
