Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
