You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
