btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
