I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
