Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
