i don't like sucking hair
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
