I faked an abortion last night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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