i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
