Please, let me fuck your mom
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
