Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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