No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
