Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
