Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
