New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
