I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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