God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
