I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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