I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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