Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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