Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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