the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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