Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
