it's not cheating when I paid for it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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