watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So vagazzling was a success
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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