is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
