I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
