She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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