and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize