You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
