So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
