Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
