Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
