God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
