so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
