so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
