Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize