My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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