i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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