so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
