I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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