Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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