I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
