Pappa wants mamma naked
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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