the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
