he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
