I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
