naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
