I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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