We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
