He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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