we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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