I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
