I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
