that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
