cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
