So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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