Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize