Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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