i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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