Kiss
Puke
nut hugger
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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