i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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