we're making bets on your personal life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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