Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
