I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
